From a book called “Oohlala! How to be Infuriating French” by Mimi Malone.
Live on a diet of croissants au beurre, quiche Lorraine and tarte au citron, but maintain a strict regimen of talking non-stop about politics and waving your arms about between meals in order to remain svelte.
Wish your fellow diners ‘Bon appetit!’ at the start of the meal. You may be inclined to observe wittily to your fellow Frenchmen that there is no equivalent for this in English, because English food is so bad.
When selecting a cheese, always smell it first to find the most flavoursome. A general rule of thumb: if you can’t knock someone out with your breath after eating it, and if it doesn’t smell like cowpats, then it probably needs more time to mature.