Monthly Archives: June 2014

Monday Lifelines

Lawyer jokes found in “Shite’s Unoriginal Miscellany” by A. Parody

Q: ‘Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?’
A: ‘No.’
Q: ‘Did you check for blood pressure?’
A: ‘No.’
Q; ‘Did you check for breathing?’
A: ‘No.’
Q: ‘So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?’
A: ‘No.’
Q: ‘How can you be so sure, Doctor?’
A: ‘Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.’
Q: ‘But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?’
A: ‘It’s possible he could have been alive, and practising law somewhere, I suppose.’


Q: ‘How was your first marriage terminated?’
A: ‘By death.’
Q: ‘And by whose death was it terminated?’



This week’s recipe comes from Super Food Ideas magazine. This is one of my favourite dish to make in winter.
It serves 4 but I think it can easily feed 6 (I use “normal” size fennel and leek)

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 medium brown onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 small leek, thinly sliced
1 small fennel bulb
1 celery stalk, trimmed, thinly sliced
1/2 cup (125ml) dry white wine (optional)
800g can diced tomatoes
2 cups fish stock
large pinch saffron
200g chat potatoes, quartered
2 cups (500ml) water
200g salmon fillet, chopped
400g boneless firm white fish fillets, chopped


  1. Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add onion,  garlic, leek, fennel and celery. Cook for 10 minutes or until softened.
  2. Add wine, if using,  tomatoes, stock, saffron, potatoes and water. Bring to the boil. Reduce heat to medium-low. Simmer, uncovered, for 15 minutes or until potato is tender and sauce reduces.
  3. Add  fish. Cook for 5 minutes or until just cooked through.
  4. Eat!

I like to eat this stew with a slice/ wedge of preserved lemon or lime (or some lemon juice).
This freezes well if you can’t eat it all at once.

Monday Lifelines

Kaz Cooke is taking a break for a while.
A new book has landed in my lap, which will provide endless material for Monday Lifelines.
“1001 facts that will scare the S#*T out of you”  written by Cary McNeal.

Fact: if you sneeze hard enough, you can fracture a rib. But try to suppress a sneeze and you might rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and drop dead. If you try to suppress a fart and a sneeze at the same time, you could blow your head off like a champagne cork.

Fact: Office desks have 400 times more bacteria than toilet seats. So, be safe and eat your lunch on a toilet instead of at your desk.


For a cold day, make it in a big flask and sip on it all day!


3 cups (750ml) red wine
1 cup (250ml) brandy or cognac
2 tablespoons sugar
2 cinnamon sticks
3 whole cloves
1/2 teaspoon toasted whole black peppercorns
1/2 teaspoon whole allspice
1/2 vanilla bean
40g sultanas
1 star anise
1 orange, sliced
1 lemon, sliced
1 cup water


  1. Combine ingredients in a large saucepan over medium heat. Stir until sugar dissolves and mixture comes to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes.
  2. Strain through a fine sieve, reserving orange slices.
  3. Pour wine into serving glasses. Top with orange slices.
  4. Drink!

A super easy recipe I found on
I usually buy a cheap red like a cabernet sauvignon (not a shiraz or a merlot, you want something a bit “stronger”).
And you will get addicted to this!

Monday Lifelines

From “The little book of stress” (Calm is for wimps Get real Get Stressed) by Rohan Candappa:

From the Latin ‘carpe’ – to carp or whinge, and ‘diem’ – meaning daily, hence ‘carpe diem’ – whinge daily.

When out driving, if you see the chance to box someone in by parking too close to them, seize it.

When using a cash dispenser try out every transaction possible. But only if there are people behind you.

Really tense up all your muscles. Try to stay this way all day. If this proves impossible, you have yet again failed at a really simple task.